Skip to main content

Three Months

 Another month has flown by. This time it was a bit of a rollercoaster for me. I have had some things going on in my life that have had me frazzled. When frazzled, I tend to unravel a bit and sometimes I unravel a lot.

Life had been lobbing lemons at me for awhile now. That isn’t news to anyone that knows me well. Sometimes instead of lobbing them, they load them into a pitching machine and aim it directly at my head. Last month, a particularly juicy lemon was sent speeding my way. I tried to catch it. I tried to block it. I tried getting out of the way. Unfortunately, it hit me square in the head and I have spent the last couple weeks reeling.

Mr. Perfect-for-me has been amazing through it all. He listens to me talk (almost non-stop) as I process everything. And more importantly, when I’m overwhelmed with emotions and can’t talk, he just holds me while I hurt. He doesn’t give me advice unless I ask for it. He doesn’t make useless suggestions like “just stop worrying.” He is patient and understanding. He is more than I could have ever hoped for in a partner.

Recently, we found ourselves having the same conversation on repeat. It was one I couldn’t get out of my head no matter what either of us said. I am a planner. The more I plan, the less I worry. This is something that has been a problem in my past relationships because some people abhor planning. Mr. Perfect-for-me is not big on planning but he doesn’t particularly hate it. There are some things that he feels are too far in the future to plan. But, for me, not planning, means that the things keep rolling around in my head feeling unresolved. So, we compromised. We planned a date/time to start the planning. 

Then he did something beyond amazing. He sent me a calendar invite so that I could be sure that it wouldn’t be forgotten. The weight that lifted off my shoulders was huge, and immediate. I didn’t know it was possible to love him more than I already did. But that gesture, had my heart overflowing with love. There are very few people in my life that embrace me so completely. He accepts me with all my idiosyncrasies and baggage. Then he goes out of his way to support me in ways I didn’t know were possible.

As I said last month, I can’t claim to know for sure that this love will endure and persevere, but I have faith that it will because it continues to grow and evolve. I believe that by continuing to be patient, kind and honest with each other, we will be able to love, honor and cherish one another for the rest of our days.


~Happy Third Monthiversary to My Love~


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Gender Neutral Bathrooms

As the world continues to argue about whether it is necessary to have private bathrooms or gender neutral bathrooms in public places, people want to argue that we should keep things the same and everyone should use the bathroom for the sex listed on their birth certificate. They forget that people like me exist. When I'm out in public and need to use the bathroom, I have to decide whether I'm going to take a chance that I might upset the people in the men's bathroom or the women's bathroom.  I know that strangers are often confused about my gender.  Having lived as a feminine woman for many years, I'm very aware of how nervous women get around men they dont know, especially in spaces they arent expecting to see them.  I'm also aware that if a man is uncomfortable with me being in a space he feels is for "men only" that there is a chance that I will be assaulted.  What is more important, the discomfort of women or my own safety? You might be...

Attraction

Attraction is a complicated thing for me. Normally, I meet someone and as I get to know them, I find them more and more attractive. Because of this, I have dated all over the looks spectrum. Tall, short, big, small, dark, light, male, female, younger, older, etc. Maybe a handful of times, i have looked at someone that is so physically attractive to me, that I find myself staring.  More often than not, I date men. The reason for this is partially because of where I live. Another reason is that I find confidence very attractive and there is nothing more intimidating to me than a confident a woman.  The other night I was out at karaoke with friends. I saw a woman out of the corner of my eye. I immediately turned my head in her direction to see what exactly caught my eye. I can't even begin to tell you what was being talked about at our table at that moment because all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears. I spent the rest of the evening trying not to stare. I tried to pa...

One Year Ago

One year ago you came into my life. You were everything I thought I wanted. But I wasn't what you wanted. Unfortunately, it took you 5 months to tell me and another 4 to get out of my life. I kept hoping that your heart would change your mind.  How naive was I to think someone like you could possibly love someone like me?  How did I make it to 42 years old still believing in unconditional love? How did I make it through 2 divorces still believing in forever love? How did I survive 3.5 years of being used by strangers and still believe that someone could possibly want more from me than sex? Maybe those questions don't even matter. Maybe the better question is if I ever stop loving you, will I still be able to believe in unconditional, forever love. This morning, I woke up thinking of you. Throughout the day, you were never far from my mind. I know I'll still be thinking about you when I fall asleep tonight.  That's how it has been for the last week. Watching today coming...