Attraction

Attraction is a complicated thing for me. Normally, I meet someone and as I get to know them, I find them more and more attractive. Because of this, I have dated all over the looks spectrum. Tall, short, big, small, dark, light, male, female, younger, older, etc. Maybe a handful of times, i have looked at someone that is so physically attractive to me, that I find myself staring. 

More often than not, I date men. The reason for this is partially because of where I live. Another reason is that I find confidence very attractive and there is nothing more intimidating to me than a confident a woman. 

The other night I was out at karaoke with friends. I saw a woman out of the corner of my eye. I immediately turned my head in her direction to see what exactly caught my eye. I can't even begin to tell you what was being talked about at our table at that moment because all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears. I spent the rest of the evening trying not to stare. I tried to pay attention to and participate in the conversation with my friends but she was constantly on my mind even when she wasn't in my line of sight.  To say I was distracted would be an understatement. 

I finally said something and a friend offered to go talk to her with me. I admitted that I was a bit shy about approaching women and that I needed a bit more time. At the end of the night, I still hadn't been brave enough to go talk to her. But I decided that was probably for the best because my life is too complicated for dating right now. 

As I headed toward the back door to leave, she walked across my path. I stopped in my tracks and she looked right at me. I saw her lips moving and somehow my brain registered that she was talking to me. I managed to process her words before too much time had passed so I don't think I seemed too awkward. I told her I really enjoyed her singing. And, I did enjoy her singing but more than that, I found the way she looked and moved mesmerizing. I'm glad I didn't let that last part slip out because im sure it would have sounded creepy. She thanked me and told me that she was here every week because singing was her outlet. I mentioned that I only went to karaoke about once a month or so but that I hoped to see her again. At that moment, I realized we had stopped just a foot or so away from each other but I hadn't really looked at her. Eye contact is something that I really have to work at sometimes so as I said good night, I looked up at her face and I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat. Having spent most of the evening seeing her across a busy bar, I hadn't truly been able to fully take in her beauty.

I can't tell you what color her eyes are. I can't really describe any part of her in detail even though it was just a few days ago. All I can say is that she is tall, breathtaking and I can't get her out of my mind. I expect that even if I go back to karaoke and see her again, that nothing will develop from this. As I mentioned earlier, I'm not in a good place in my life AND realistically she might have zero interest in me, or in any other woman for that matter.

I'm still happy to have met her and to have her on my mind. It reminded me that I don't know what the future holds. It reminded me that I'm still a woman with needs and wants. But most of all, it reminded me that even though I'm still healing, my heart and mind are open to meeting someone new.