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Gender Neutral Bathrooms

As the world continues to argue about whether it is necessary to have private bathrooms or gender neutral bathrooms in public places, people want to argue that we should keep things the same and everyone should use the bathroom for the sex listed on their birth certificate. They forget that people like me exist.

When I'm out in public and need to use the bathroom, I have to decide whether I'm going to take a chance that I might upset the people in the men's bathroom or the women's bathroom. 

I know that strangers are often confused about my gender. 

Having lived as a feminine woman for many years, I'm very aware of how nervous women get around men they dont know, especially in spaces they arent expecting to see them. 

I'm also aware that if a man is uncomfortable with me being in a space he feels is for "men only" that there is a chance that I will be assaulted. 

What is more important, the discomfort of women or my own safety?

You might be surprised to hear that if women who don't know me are going to be afraid for their safety when I'm around, then I'm going to put myself in men's spaces. 

I was recently at a bar, waiting in line outside of a men's bathroom. When someone came out, I tried to go in but another man tried to push past me. I ended up face to face with this man and he looked like he wanted to punch me. I suspect that the fact that he was confused about my gender is the only thing that kept him from doing it. He was not happy about me being there but I think he was fighting with the idea that he shouldn't hit a woman. I didn't back down then and I won't back down when it happens again. I know that in some situations, I benefit from male privilege. In return for that privilege, I'm going to take responsibility for how my masculine presentation impacts others.

Private bathrooms or gender neutral bathrooms are an absolute necessity in public spaces. If you have the ability to change things in public spaces, please do. Don't make me have to keep choosing between my own safety and making women afraid. 

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