New Lease, Same Life

Attraction comes in several varieties and sizes. It can be difficult to say which is more important. Talking with other single people my age, the consensus seems to be that physical attraction is less important than emotional and intellectual attraction. However, dating apps have taken over as the primary way to meet people and therefore, physical attractiveness tends to be the first thing that gets evaluated. Throughout my life, I have been told quite often that I am not attractive enough. The gentlest souls tell me that I have a pretty face or nice eyes, but that my weight makes me unattractive. There have also been a lot of people that find my weight to be one of the most appealing things about me.  When I was in my teens, my father informed me that no man would ever love a fat girl. And he never really did love me. So how was I supposed to know if he was right or wrong. And the boys at school picked on the chubby girl. And magazines and movies showed women that looked much diff...

My life has been really blah for a long time. Occasionally, I'd have a bad spell to mix things up a bit but there haven't been too many really good moments in the last 2 years. The universe has finally given me some much needed sunshine in my mostly dreary world.  This morning I gushed to 2 friends about this incredible man that I met recently. He is everything I need and more. And yet he seems oblivious to what a catch he is. Every day he amazes me with his ability to be open, honest and vulnerable with me. His musical choices might be questionable but his taste in women is impeccable.  One friend cautioned me to take things slow and not rush it. I appreciate her trying to protect my fragile heart. I appreciate that she wants me to make sure to build a strong foundation with him before we reach for the sky.  The other friend said, “I think you have landed yourself quite a gem. 🥰 And I am fucking rooting for you both like you wouldn’t believe.”  And I so appreciate ...

18 months ago, I decided to throttle way back on dating. I deleted all but 1 app. I barely looked at it and rarely got a match. When I did, it only took a few messages to see that we were not a good match. So, I had not been on a date for 18 months.   Last week, I was surprised to see a notification indicating I had a new match. I was quickly reminded about how nice it is to have someone to chat with about the simple things. It was rare for me to find someone I was even interested in getting to know. His profile did not contain any of the 3 things I absolutely hate: a picture of a dead fish, a picture of him on the top of a mountain, or the words, “Must Love Dogs”. That alone made him very appealing. But he is also cute, smart, and quirky. Plus, he made the effort to pick up the conversation each evening after work. It was refreshing to see someone put as much effort into getting to know each other as I was.   On Sunday, we had our first “date.” We spent 5 hours at the park ta...