Skip to main content

A Letter to My Love

 “Her heart sank into her shoes as she realized at last how much she wanted him. No matter what his past was, no matter what he had done. Which was not to say that she would ever let him know, but only that he moved her chemically more than anyone she had ever met, that all other men seemed pale beside him." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

To My Love;

It didn't happen the first moment I met you. You and I both know we were in a different place in our lives that first time. But even then, I felt comfortable in your presence. Almost a year later, we were given a second chance at a first meeting. You walked through the door that day and my life changed. 

The previous 15 months had been a rough and trying time for me. Mentally I was not in the best place. I had been through a divorce, through months of terrible dates, purchased a house and then forced to be mostly alone in that house for over a month due to COVID-19 closures. I had been uninsured and un-medicated for several months. I was trying hard to hold things together and was failing miserably at it.

My mind seemed to be in a constant state of overdrive. It seemed to never stop for a moment. Then you walked through the door and everything changed. You smiled at me and my mind quieted. It didn't just quiet in that moment. It stayed quiet for days.

 As we spent more and more time together, I shared parts of my life and my struggles with you. And you reassured me that I wasn't crazy, that my needs mattered and that they weren't too much. And in that moment, I began to fall in love. I fell in love with the way you made me feel when you looked at me, when you wrapped your arms around me, and when you called me Babe. I fell in love with that smile and that laugh and that voice. I fell in love with the parts of you that you chose to share with me.

I want more of you. I want more of your time. I want you to share more of your life with me. I want to know what your baggage is because I want to know why you won't let me in. More than anything, I want to know how I can convince you to let me love you.

I know you aren't ready and even though I don't know why, I am willing to give you the time and space you need to be ready. I love you for loving me, even if you can't say the words. I feel it in your touch. I see it in your eyes. I sense it in the way you are when we are together.

Lots of love.
💋💋💋


p.s. No matter what happens between us, know that you made things better. In a time when it seemed as the whole world was rejecting me, you accepted me. I needed that more than I have ever needed anything. Thank you for saving me from myself.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Another Month Flies By

Mr. Perfect-for-me came into my life and made me realize where all those metaphors, analogies & similes for love came from. I was struck by cupid’s arrow. I have absolutely fallen head over heels. He swept me off my feet. He is my other half, my better half. I could go on and on but I’m sure you get the idea. I don’t want anyone to think that I somehow made it to 41 years of age and got married twice without ever being in love. I have most definitely been in love before. This love feels different. Although the bible would usually be one of the last books that I would quote, I think it captured these last 2 months almost perfectly. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.  ~1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (ESV) After just 2
1 comment
Read more

Attraction

Attraction is a complicated thing for me. Normally, I meet someone and as I get to know them, I find them more and more attractive. Because of this, I have dated all over the looks spectrum. Tall, short, big, small, dark, light, male, female, younger, older, etc. Maybe a handful of times, i have looked at someone that is so physically attractive to me, that I find myself staring.  More often than not, I date men. The reason for this is partially because of where I live. Another reason is that I find confidence very attractive and there is nothing more intimidating to me than a confident a woman.  The other night I was out at karaoke with friends. I saw a woman out of the corner of my eye. I immediately turned my head in her direction to see what exactly caught my eye. I can't even begin to tell you what was being talked about at our table at that moment because all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears. I spent the rest of the evening trying not to stare. I tried to pay att
Post a Comment
Read more

One Year Ago

One year ago you came into my life. You were everything I thought I wanted. But I wasn't what you wanted. Unfortunately, it took you 5 months to tell me and another 4 to get out of my life. I kept hoping that your heart would change your mind.  How naive was I to think someone like you could possibly love someone like me?  How did I make it to 42 years old still believing in unconditional love? How did I make it through 2 divorces still believing in forever love? How did I survive 3.5 years of being used by strangers and still believe that someone could possibly want more from me than sex? Maybe those questions don't even matter. Maybe the better question is if I ever stop loving you, will I still be able to believe in unconditional, forever love. This morning, I woke up thinking of you. Throughout the day, you were never far from my mind. I know I'll still be thinking about you when I fall asleep tonight.  That's how it has been for the last week. Watching today coming
Post a Comment
Read more