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A Letter to My Love

 “Her heart sank into her shoes as she realized at last how much she wanted him. No matter what his past was, no matter what he had done. Which was not to say that she would ever let him know, but only that he moved her chemically more than anyone she had ever met, that all other men seemed pale beside him." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

To My Love;

It didn't happen the first moment I met you. You and I both know we were in a different place in our lives that first time. But even then, I felt comfortable in your presence. Almost a year later, we were given a second chance at a first meeting. You walked through the door that day and my life changed. 

The previous 15 months had been a rough and trying time for me. Mentally I was not in the best place. I had been through a divorce, through months of terrible dates, purchased a house and then forced to be mostly alone in that house for over a month due to COVID-19 closures. I had been uninsured and un-medicated for several months. I was trying hard to hold things together and was failing miserably at it.

My mind seemed to be in a constant state of overdrive. It seemed to never stop for a moment. Then you walked through the door and everything changed. You smiled at me and my mind quieted. It didn't just quiet in that moment. It stayed quiet for days.

 As we spent more and more time together, I shared parts of my life and my struggles with you. And you reassured me that I wasn't crazy, that my needs mattered and that they weren't too much. And in that moment, I began to fall in love. I fell in love with the way you made me feel when you looked at me, when you wrapped your arms around me, and when you called me Babe. I fell in love with that smile and that laugh and that voice. I fell in love with the parts of you that you chose to share with me.

I want more of you. I want more of your time. I want you to share more of your life with me. I want to know what your baggage is because I want to know why you won't let me in. More than anything, I want to know how I can convince you to let me love you.

I know you aren't ready and even though I don't know why, I am willing to give you the time and space you need to be ready. I love you for loving me, even if you can't say the words. I feel it in your touch. I see it in your eyes. I sense it in the way you are when we are together.

Lots of love.
💋💋💋


p.s. No matter what happens between us, know that you made things better. In a time when it seemed as the whole world was rejecting me, you accepted me. I needed that more than I have ever needed anything. Thank you for saving me from myself.

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