New Lease, Same Life

When I spend time with people, I constantly feel like I have to present a specific version of myself. There are so many parts of my life that I hide from others. I have so many secrets that I feel that I have to keep. These secrets are part of who I am. These things that happened in my life brought me to where I am today. As I begin to explain just how much of a perplexing contradiction my thoughts are, some of you will learn things about me that you never knew. Others will learn just how comfortable I really am with them because very little, if any, of this will come as a surprise to them. My suicide attempt is one of those big secrets. Lots of people knew that I had gone through a really rough time in my life. I am not sure how many people suspected it, or how many people just wondered if I contemplated it. Until recently, I had only admitted that I attempted suicide to 3 people. Before I go any further, I want to make sure to say that just because a lot of this blog may be a su

A few weeks ago, I wrote this first portion of my blog. But I actually fell asleep before finishing it. I was typing it on my cell phone and it was a painfully slow process. I have thought a lot about this particular topic and decided it was time to finish it up and post it. I could have just started over but I think that this short story is a good example of why I need to write this.           As I type, I am laying in his bed, listening to the sound of his snoring. I'm not irritated by it but I don't think it's cute. Not even a little. Although, the longer I listen, the more I find the rhythm of it a bit soothing. You see, he doesn't always snore. He's not usually even sleeping at this hour. But he worked hard today in the heat. And yesterday he worked hard in the heat and the day before that he did the same. That's his life. He's a hard working man and I appreciate that about him.           What I appreciate even more, is that even though he has been wor